


Definitely Not a Regret

by Moon_Blitz



Category: Being Erica
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Introspection, Making Out, Mentions of Ethan/Erica, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-12
Updated: 2011-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moon_Blitz/pseuds/Moon_Blitz
Summary: A simple kiss leads to a difficult question, which leads to something more.
Relationships: Erica/Dr. Tom
Kudos: 2





	Definitely Not a Regret

So maybe she was _slightly_ drunk. And maybe she had gotten a _bit_ swept up in the situation. But it had been a good trip back, and he had offered her a drink in celebration. And really, he _was_ attractive. Not that she was trying to blame him for her actions. Nope, that kiss had been all hers. And now she had no idea what to do about it.

Letting out a groan, Erica put her face in her hands. Dr. Tom had to be upset about it. She was half-expecting him to spontaneously appear in her apartment and quote something appropriate to the situation. But as the minutes slipped by and nothing happened, she slowly relaxed. Perhaps he was saving it for when she next entered his office. Deciding to be very careful which doors she opened, Erica slowly rose and went about her evening routine like nothing had happened.

\- - -

A steady knocking sound woke her up the next morning, a constant beat that matched the dull pounding in her head. Groaning and rubbing her eyes, the woman stumbled to her door and blearily peered out the peephole.

“Oh, crap!” The sight of Dr. Tom standing there was enough to shock her into wakefulness, and Erica quickly spun around and leaned against the door. What to do? She wasn’t ready to face him! He knocked again, the wooden door sending vibrations through her back. Maybe he didn’t know she was home?

“Erica, I know your in there,” he called after a moment, dashing her hopes. Sighing and slumping against the door she realized she had to let him in. Waiting another few seconds, she turned, opened the door partway and looked out.

“Dr. Tom…hi,” she said uncertainly, trying to read something in his calm expression.

“Hello Erica,” he replied, holding up the tray she hadn’t noticed he was carrying. “I come bearing coffee.”

“Come on in, I guess,” Stepping aside, she let her therapist enter and settled down at the table across from him. As usual, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking, so she pried the lid off of her coffee cup and blew on it. “Shouldn’t I be the one with a peace offering?” she asked once the silence became too uncomfortable.

“Now why would you need a peace offering?” Dr. Tom asked, leaning back and sipping on his coffee.

“I figured I’d need one, with what happened last night,” she replied, glancing away in embarrassment.

“Which was…?”

Feeling his eyes focus on her, she mumbled, “I mean, I just randomly kissed you.”

“Ah yes. The kiss,” The chair creaked as he shifted and said, “You’re assuming something, you know. That I’d want a ‘peace offering’, as you term it.”

Erica bit back a frown, running a fingernail around the edge of the styrofoam cup. If he didn’t want one, that meant he was angrier that she had thought. “I’m going to take a guess and say that you’re also assuming I’m angry,” he continued, sarcasm edging his tone.

Surprised at this, she looked up at him and stammered, “Y-You’re not mad?”

Spreading his arms slightly, the man replied, “Do I look mad?”

“No.” But he hadn’t looked mad when he blew up at her before, so there was really no way to tell.

“Then there’s your answer,” Looking vaguely amused, Dr. Tom returned to his drink, eyes still fixed on her.

“But - Surely - Why not?” Erica bust out, more confused than ever.

“‘A kiss that is never tasted, is forever and ever wasted,’” he replied with a shrug. “Billie Holiday. You acted on an impulse, so why should I angry about that?” Relieved that he wasn’t upset, she nodded slowly in response.

“But the real question is, what made you do that?” Her nerves fluttered again at that, and she gave him a annoyed look. Of course he would try and dig deeper.

“I don’t really know…” Erica replied hesitantly, fingers tightening around the coffee cup.

“You must have a reason.” he persisted, leaning forward as he gazed at her. Sighing, Erica closed her eyes and thought hard, trying to come up with something to tell Dr. Tom.

“I guess…with everything going on recently, I got a bit carried away. Acted without thinking,” Opening her eyes, she saw that her was giving her a skeptical look.

“You’re avoiding the question,” he pointed out, finishing his coffee and rising. “Come here.”

Feeling uneasy, she got up and moved closer when he beckoned. “Now, kiss me like you did last nigh,.” her therapist instructed. Taking half a step back, Erica opened her mouth to protest, but he spoke first. “I’m not going to take no for an answer, either. You need to find an answer to my question, and this is the best way to accomplish that.”

“…Alright,” she mumbled, realizing that he was right. Taking a deep breath, she stepped in close, tipping her head up and eyeing him carefully. Dr. Tom waited patiently, apparently completely at ease. Leaning in slowly, she closed her eyes as their lips met, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. His lips were warm, and tasted like coffee.

“Again,” he breathed as Erica made to pull away, so she kissed him again, stretching it out a little longer, resisting the urge to cup his cheek and deepen it further. Ending it, she stepped back and saw that he looked contemplative. “Well?”

“I…think I’m frustrated over Ethan,” she replied slowly. She had been avoiding him for a week, and had been going in circles about what to do next. His friendship meant a lot to her, and she didn’t want to lose that by getting involved with him.

“Interesting,” Dr. Tom muttered absently as she picked up her cooling drink and took a sip.

“Sorry,” she mumbled back, sensing that her answer hadn’t been what he was looking for.

“Don’t apologize, Erica.” he replied sharply. “This is an important issue for you, and one that we are going to work though.”

“Are you going to send me back?” she asked hopefully.

“Not this time,” he replied cryptically, walking towards the door. Opening it, he turned and gave her a rare half-smile. “Tell you what: sleep on it, and see if you have a different answer tomorrow.” Shaking her head at the response, she slid back into her seat as the door closed. If things hadn’t been complicated before, they seemed to be even worse now.

\- - -

Glancing once more at the clock, Erica wondered exactly when Dr. Tom was planning on re-appearing. She had determined that much from his parting words yesterday morning, but it was now late evening and there was no sign of the man. How typical of him to make her wait, she thought, lifting a glass out of the dishrack and drying it. She nearly dropped it a moment later when there came a sudden knock at her door.

“Coming!” she called, quickly setting the glass and towel down before hurrying over and opening it. As expected, her therapist stood in the hallway, looking as serene as ever.

“Hello,” she said, opening the door wider and watching as he stepped inside.

“Good evening,” he replied, shedding his coat and handing it to her. As she put it away, Erica reflected that he looked oddly normal in a sweatshirt and jeans. If she hadn’t known about his therapy method, she would have taken him for a regular guy.

“So,” he began, following her over to the sink as she set about drying and putting the dishes away, “have you gained any insight about that kiss?”

Mentally cringing at the matter-of-fact way he brought up the topic, she answered, “Not really.”

“Really? I’m surprised at that, Erica. I thought you wanted to get to the bottom of this.”

“I do!”

“Then what aren’t you telling me?”

Pausing to shoot him a glare, she concentrated back on the plate and grumbled, “Why do you have to know everything about me, again?”

“Because that’s my job,” Dr. Tom replied frankly. Feeling his gaze on her, Erica ignored him until she had finished, then turned to face him. They had had this discussion once before, and she had no desire to repeat it. Staring at his calm expression, she knew she had to tell him the truth. Otherwise, he would just keep digging.

“I’m attracted to you,” she admitted after a long moment. He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. “I didn’t realize it at first, but I guess everything that’s happened between Ethan and me lately made me realize that. Not that I’m blaming him - or you - for that. It’s just…you’ve helped me a lot, and I didn’t want to ruin this relationship we have. Like I might have done with Ethan…”

Trailing off awkwardly, she looked away, tense and somewhat desperate to hear what he had to say. If he had anything to say.

“By relationship, you mean friendship?” he asked softly. At her silent nod, he said, “Look at me, Erica.”

She did so unwillingly, half-fearing what she would see. But to her great surprise, Dr. Tom was actually smiling and looking quite pleased.

“Good, you’re finally being honest with both yourself and me,” he said with an approving nod. “Richard Bach said, ‘I want to be very close to someone I respect and admire and have somebody who feels the same way about me.’ I think that applies to this situation, don’t you?”

Smiling slightly in return, she nodded. “Yeah. Who’s Richard Bach?”

‘I believe he was an American author.” her therapist replied, walking over to her table and pulling out a chair. Spinning it around, he sat down and gazed calmly back at her. “What do you plan on doing now? About us, I mean.”

Knowing somehow that this was an important question, Erica narrowed her eyes as she moved to stand beside him. He was the therapist; she the patient. Time travel abilities aside, they were no different than any other therapist and patient in Toronto. But the way he had said ‘us’ implied…

Eyes widening as she realized he was asking if she wanted to make out with him, she stammered, “Y-you really w-want to…?”

“Only if you want to,” Dr. Tom responded levelly. Blinking and taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly as she thought. Seeing the question in her eyes, he shook his head slightly. “Forget about Ethan. Focus on the here and now.”

“Okay…” she half-muttered to herself, taking a moment to think. She wouldn’t mind making out with him; perhaps that had been her unconscious desire when she had kissed him. Brushing aside all thoughts of her best friend and the potential consequences her decision could lead to, Erica leaned down and gave him a slow kiss. Telling herself not to run away now, she straddled Dr. Tom and lowered herself into his lap during another kiss.

When he shifted under her weight, she anxiously pulled back and asked, “Are you comfortable? We could-”

“I’m perfectly fine,” he assured her, and she smiled in relief.

“Are you surprised by this?”

“Somewhat. I doubt you would have done such a thing when we first met, but you’ve changed since then, haven’t you? Even so, this situation is rather…unexpected.” Expression softening ever so slightly, he added, “Not that I‘m complaining. New experiences are good for a person.”

Erica showed her agreement by kissing him again, lifting a hand to cup his cheek gently. As the kiss deepened, she slid her hand around to the back of his neck, trying to gauge his reaction. He was sitting still, apparently enjoying the attention, but there was a tension in his body that she couldn’t ignore. Curling her fingers into his hair, she ran her free hand over his shoulder and down his arm, fingers skimming over the soft skin of his wrist.

During a pause for breath, she looked at him. Dr. Tom had his eyes closed, and there was a semi-peaceful expression on his face. He still hadn’t reacted yet, and that made Erica wonder if she was doing something wrong. Determined to get something out of him, she trailed her mouth down over his chin and started to kiss his throat. A shudder ran through his body as her lips touched his skin, and fingers landed on her shoulder. She tensed at the sudden touch, but quickly relaxed and resumed kissing him.

It felt both strange and wonderful to be doing this, she thought, shifting slightly as Dr. Tom’s fingertips trailed over her shoulders. The tension in him had lessened, but it was still there. “You’re holding back,” she muttered, pulling away and looking at him.

“I have my reasons,” he answered, then surprised her by cupping her cheek with a hand and kissing her gently. Not entirely happy with his non-answer, Erica sighed softly and kissed him back, wrapping both arms around his neck and edging closer. He responded by lifting his chin, directing her mouth back towards his throat. A thrill went through her as his hands slowly ran down her back and up again to her shoulders.

Heart beating fast, she wondered if Dr. Tom would object to going further. He seemed to be fine with what had taken place so far, but she was worried about crossing a boundary that she wasn’t aware of. Almost as if he could sense her hesitation, he asked softly, “What is it, Erica?”

Pulling away from his neck, she shifted and glanced sideways at the floor. “It’s just…I’m not sure what you want from this.”

Fingers running lightly through her hair, he said, “What I want doesn’t matter here. It’s what you want that’s important.”

“But…” Shaking her head, she tried again. “Love…sex…whatever this is, it’s a two-way street.”

“So you’re staying that I’m at fault for not being as eager as you are?” Wincing at the dry tone in his voice, she nodded hesitantly. She wouldn’t have termed it like that, but that’s what she had been thinking.

“Hey.” When he tipped her face back towards his with a finger, there was a sad look in his eyes. “So maybe it’s been a while since I’ve done this. Maybe I’m a bit out of practice. But as I said, I have my reasons for holding back. Even so, make no mistake: I wouldn‘t be doing this if I didn‘t want this. Does that satisfy you?”

Suddenly wishing that she knew more about him so she might understand his reasons better, she nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Giving her an unreadable look, he asked, “What now?”

“Now…” Tingling with anticipation, she smiled and said, “I think it’s time to get serious.” Smiling faintly back, Dr. Tom leaned forward and accepted her deep kiss, his hands shifting from her shoulders to her waist. Sensing what he wanted, Erica lowered her own hands to the edge of his sweatshirt and slowly tugged it up and off, his undershirt quickly following. As she kissed him, she explored his bare chest with her hands, feeling his breath hitch as her fingers moved across his stomach. Making note of the spot, she couldn’t help but blush as he started to slide her blouse up. Telling herself to relax, she pulled back slightly until it was fully removed, wondering what his reaction would be.

Surprisingly, he fumbled with the clasp of her bra, undoing it after a few attempts and slowly removing it. She watched with some anxiety as Dr. Tom took her in, then he silently raised his eyes to hers. At that moment Erica knew he approved, and so leaned forward to kiss him again. She shivered as he began to stoke her, fingers gently sliding from her shoulders to her breasts.

Drawing him closer, she moaned softly as fingertips danced across her skin, feeling herself heat up. Despite the clothing that still separated them, she could feel him loosening up at last; although he still handled her with immense care. “Ready?” she murmured after a few more minutes, now fully convinced that they wanted the same thing.

“Only if you are,” Dr. Tom breathed back. Pulling away regretfully from his touch, she slid a hand into one of his and rose, legs stiff from having sat for so long. Stumbling slightly, Erica lead him from the kitchen into her bedroom, turning out lights as they went. Once inside the room, she closed all the doors, wanting nothing to invade and break the intimacy between them. Dim light filtered in from the city beyond her window, but otherwise the room was dark.

Returning to him, she gently kissed him and lowered her hands to his belt, excitement rising within her. She hadn’t expected things to get this far, but there was no turning back now. Fingers suddenly brushed her hands, and he murmured softly, “Please, allow me.”

Nodding, she drew back and heard more than saw Dr. Tom undress, quickly following his lead as he settled himself on the bed.

“You have condoms, I assume?”

Grinning at the hint of anticipation in his voice, Erica nodded and replied, “Yeah, I do. Shall I, or…?”

“Oh, I think I remember how to put one on,” he answered with a dry chuckle. After a moment of digging through her bedside table drawer, she located one and handed it to him, perching on the edge of the bed until a hand landed on her shoulder. Taking a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach, Erica shifted until she was almost straddling him again.

“Nervous?” he asked, stroking her cheek softly as the other hand trailed down her side.

“Of course. Aren’t you?” Getting nothing in way of a response, she grumbled, “I’ll take that as a yes, then, since you’re too proud to say so.”

“Hush, this isn’t the time for that,” he replied, giving her a brief kiss to drive the point home. Before she had a chance to respond, there was a hand between her legs and one on her waist, both guiding her down. She gasped in delight as he entered her, pausing a moment to adjust to the feeling of him inside her. She then slid further down onto him, moaning softly as she did so and hearing him sigh quietly in return.

Erica savoured the sensations rolling through her for a few moments, then slowly moved, settling herself more fully onto his lap. Dr. Tom was nearly trembling beneath her, and she could feel his heart pounding when she pressed a hand to his chest. Wanting this to last as long as possible, she kissed him gently, feeling him settle a little after the second kiss.

His hands returned to her breasts, fondling them softly as she kissed him, her lips once more returning to his lower jaw and throat. He shifted slightly at that, the matching movement inside of her making Erica moan. She could practically feel his smirk as he moved again, this time deliberately thrusting into her.

She responded by rolling her hips, drawing him in deeper before retreating. Dr. Tom groaned softly, so she repeated the movement, quickly settling into a slow but comfortable rhythm. He had stopped moving, seemingly content to let her ride him. Her kisses had become lighter since her attention was divided between the two tasks; but his hands never stopped moving, gliding freely over her body and making Erica feel like she was burning up wherever they went.

Recalling a reaction she had gotten earlier, she lowered her hands from his chest to his stomach, letting her fingers skim the smooth skin. He let out a faint moan of pleasure at that, hands briefly tightening around her sides before relaxing. Erica puzzled over his reaction for a moment, then decided to push her therapist a little. Pressing her palms to his stomach, she slid them up and down, moving them in time to her hips.

“Erica!”

She stopped at the sudden exclamation, feeling hands grip her waist tightly. “Does that hurt?”

During the pause the followed, Dr. Tom quickly let her go, dipping his head to kiss her. “No. You just surprised me, that’s all,” he whispered softly in her ear. “Please, continue.” Another kiss chased away her surprise, so she nodded and began to move her hips again.

To her surprise and delight, he moved with her, falling into a matching rhythm after a few moments. A new wave of heat and pleasure washed over her then, and she sensed Dr. Tom was experiencing the same thing. She smiled when he drew her closer, leaving her pressed against his chest with his hands gently resting on her waist. Shifting her weight to better enjoy the new position, she began to moan in earnest, waves of pleasure now rolling through her in earnest.

The pace at which they were going had increased, heat now coursing though every part of her body. Dr. Tom’s hands pressed into her hips as he came with a choked cry, his measured movements sending her over the edge. Crying out wordlessly, Erica let the crest of the wave carry her, slowing down only when her energy faded. Spent, she relaxed into his arms, knowing her would support her.

How long they stayed like that, she had no idea. Eventually, she half-opened her eyes and muttered, “I suppose I should move…”

“That would be wise, unless you plan on falling asleep like this,” he replied dryly, so she straightened and lifted herself up and off of him. A minute later she was stretched out under the blankets, drowsily looking at him. Dr. Tom was still sitting up, leaning against the wall behind her bed. It was hard to tell because of the dim light, but she thought he looked sad.

“Do…do you want to stay?” she asked awkwardly, not entirely sure what to say.

“Do you want me to?”

Rolling her eyes at his habit of answering a question with a question, she replied softly, “I do. At least for a little while.”

He nodded and rose, murmuring, “Then I’ll stay. I’ll join you in a few minutes.” Curious, she lifted her head and watched him leave the room, listening as he moved around her apartment. She wasn’t afraid that Dr. Tom would leave, he simply wasn’t the type to go back on his word. Erica was more afraid of what might or might not happen when he returned.

So she drew in her breath when he entered the room, closing the door softly behind him and depositing their clothes next to her bed. He slid beneath the sheets without a word, shifting a few times until he was comfortable. Erica held back for a moment, watching him. Dr. Tom lay on his back, hands folded comfortably behind his head. Unlike her, he seemed perfectly at ease with what had just happened. Unable to hold back any longer, she scooted over and cuddled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “This ok?”

“Mm-hm.” There was a note of amusement in his reply, but she was too tired to pester him about it. Instead, she curled tighter against his side, tentatively sliding a hand over his bare chest and stomach. Her therapist stiffened at her touch, so she quickly stopped. “It’s…it’s alright,” he murmured, seemingly forcing himself to relax.

Having caught the hesitation in his voice, she tilted her head up to look at him. Hoping she wasn’t pressing him too hard, she asked quietly, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s…” he paused, and it was clear to her that he didn’t want to answer the question. She made to remove her hand, but he moved first, gently trapping her fingers with his palm and pinning them to his stomach. “Don‘t,” he said, then added, “I’m sorry, Erica. I didn’t mean to scare you. My reaction is a…holdover…from a previous relationship. Let’s just say I was conditioned to react when touched there, and leave it at that, alright?”

“Alright.” she agreed, knowing that was as much as he was willing to tell her. Dr. Tom squeezed her fingers gently and released them, his hand sliding back to rest underneath his head. Relaxing with a yawn, she wondered where things would go from here. She had suppressed all her doubts and feelings about Ethan this evening, but the fact remained that she was still interested in him. But she was also attracted to Dr. Tom, and she suspected that he probably saw her as more than just his patient now. At least, she hoped so.

“Having second thoughts?” Raising her head at the uncannily accurate question, Erica stared at the man for a minute before returning to her former position.

“No,” she admitted with a small smile. “What about you? Do you regret agreeing to this?”

“It’s my job to help you sort through issues in the best manner possible. This one just happened to involve us having sex,” he replied smoothly, completely sidestepping the question. Sighing and mentally shaking her head at the non-answer, she decided that since he was still with her, he hadn’t regretted his decision. He had said earlier that he wouldn’t have come if he didn’t want this.

“Do you regret it?” he asked a moment later, voice low.

“No,” Erica replied honestly. She had enjoyed the experience, and she knew that it would play into her decision about what to do over Ethan. She just hoped she wouldn’t come to regret her actions later.

“I see…now, go to sleep. You need your rest.” Dr. Tom said, pressing an unexpected kiss to the top of her head. Smiling, the woman pulled the blankets covering them higher and closed her eyes. She would deal with the aftermath of all this in the morning. Erica knew he would be gone by then, no doubt slipping away while she slept. But she was grateful he had agreed to stay for at least part of the night, and waking up alone tomorrow would give her time to sort out her feelings about everything.


End file.
